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The Vegan Countess
People often say that I look superior for my age. I assure them that it is due
to a strict vegan diet. I will spare you the shadowy details of my pre-vegan
years. Let’s just agree that I assumed the title of un-dead Countess in the
Baroque era. While many vegans have a history of a non-vegan existence I
believe we can all concur that some things are best left unspoken.
So, you may be wondering how I was converted to veganism. Well, one night
after a particularly dreadful meal I began wondering what my food went
through in order for me to eat. Please keep in mind that this was the late
17th century, people were not familiar with veganism, the word didn’t even
exist until the 20th century. For several years I toyed with the idea of
changing my diet. The others in my clique took pleasure in taunting me for
my bleeding heart. I decided I had to make a departure from my
unsupportive friends and took a long voyage.
People often say that I look superior for my age. I assure them that it is due
to a strict vegan diet. I will spare you the shadowy details of my pre-vegan
years. Let’s just agree that I assumed the title of un-dead Countess in the
Baroque era. While many vegans have a history of a non-vegan existence I
believe we can all concur that some things are best left unspoken.
So, you may be wondering how I was converted to veganism. Well, one night
after a particularly dreadful meal I began wondering what my food went
through in order for me to eat. Please keep in mind that this was the late
17th century, people were not familiar with veganism, the word didn’t even
exist until the 20th century. For several years I toyed with the idea of
changing my diet. The others in my clique took pleasure in taunting me for
my bleeding heart. I decided I had to make a departure from my
unsupportive friends and took a long voyage.
While on my expedition of self-discovery I was not alone. I had many minion following me along, but even they
were not truly encouraging of my bourgeoning beliefs. I drove all but one of my minion away. I asked Elgar to
stay, as he was always supportive of my line of thought. Elgar actually proved to be of assistance. He gave me
the encouragement I needed to make the final leap into a completely vegan lifestyle. While Elgar is just a minion I
have spent a fortune on schooling to keep Elgar up-to-date and thus keep me current. Let’s see how can I make
this clear…imagine if you went to a hairstylist starting in 1985. What if that hairstylist never got any additional
training? You’ve got it, you would be the one with the giant fluffy perm that never got updated. Now imagine that,
but spread across several centuries. To battle the plague of changing trends I force Elgar to attend concerts, trade
schools, university and any other form of education I deem necessary.
I think it is safe to say that I am well traveled. In spite of what you might think, I am kind of a homebody. I am
happiest working in my garden (yes I garden), working on a craft project, organizing my home or writing my
cookbook. I imagine that the centuries have given me something of an expert opinion on all things vegan. I have
decided that it is now the point in time for me to reach out to the masses and spread the vegan way. I have paid
for Elgar’s technological education and we are now ready to utilize the Internet as a way to reach out to the mob. I
look forward to hoards of vegan minion.
were not truly encouraging of my bourgeoning beliefs. I drove all but one of my minion away. I asked Elgar to
stay, as he was always supportive of my line of thought. Elgar actually proved to be of assistance. He gave me
the encouragement I needed to make the final leap into a completely vegan lifestyle. While Elgar is just a minion I
have spent a fortune on schooling to keep Elgar up-to-date and thus keep me current. Let’s see how can I make
this clear…imagine if you went to a hairstylist starting in 1985. What if that hairstylist never got any additional
training? You’ve got it, you would be the one with the giant fluffy perm that never got updated. Now imagine that,
but spread across several centuries. To battle the plague of changing trends I force Elgar to attend concerts, trade
schools, university and any other form of education I deem necessary.
I think it is safe to say that I am well traveled. In spite of what you might think, I am kind of a homebody. I am
happiest working in my garden (yes I garden), working on a craft project, organizing my home or writing my
cookbook. I imagine that the centuries have given me something of an expert opinion on all things vegan. I have
decided that it is now the point in time for me to reach out to the masses and spread the vegan way. I have paid
for Elgar’s technological education and we are now ready to utilize the Internet as a way to reach out to the mob. I
look forward to hoards of vegan minion.
For more information please read our Frequently Asked Questions page.
Elgar
Hello, my name is Elgar. I am minion #1 to the Vegan Countess. I shall
indulge you with a story for the ages. In 17th century Europe I was
known by a different name, but the Countess had insisted I leave that
life behind me when I was converted. Before taking on the role of eternal
servant by choice I was a traveling artist. A creative soul that went to all
the grand soirees, mingling with the greatest intellectuals of the time. I
first met the Countess one evening while at a masquerade in the north of
France. She still looks as beautiful today as she did when I first spoke to
her. She promised me eternal wealth, happiness and youth in exchange
for my devotion to everything she believed in. I became her minion, and
from that moment on I embraced everything she held dear, including
veganism. “Immortal compassion” she once called it.
Over the centuries I have devoted my life to keeping the image of the
Vegan Countess flawless, beautiful, and the envy of all. I am not going to
lie, I have struggled a lot over the years with the changing times. The
Industrial Revolution, automobiles, space walks. Whatever the Countess
wants I give her. These requests often result in me attending trade
Hello, my name is Elgar. I am minion #1 to the Vegan Countess. I shall
indulge you with a story for the ages. In 17th century Europe I was
known by a different name, but the Countess had insisted I leave that
life behind me when I was converted. Before taking on the role of eternal
servant by choice I was a traveling artist. A creative soul that went to all
the grand soirees, mingling with the greatest intellectuals of the time. I
first met the Countess one evening while at a masquerade in the north of
France. She still looks as beautiful today as she did when I first spoke to
her. She promised me eternal wealth, happiness and youth in exchange
for my devotion to everything she believed in. I became her minion, and
from that moment on I embraced everything she held dear, including
veganism. “Immortal compassion” she once called it.
Over the centuries I have devoted my life to keeping the image of the
Vegan Countess flawless, beautiful, and the envy of all. I am not going to
lie, I have struggled a lot over the years with the changing times. The
Industrial Revolution, automobiles, space walks. Whatever the Countess
wants I give her. These requests often result in me attending trade
schools or community colleges. My Countess requires a new portrait every decade and this has perhaps been one
of the most difficult requests to keep up with. First it was a marble bust, then beautiful oil paintings; these were
followed by photographs in the 19th century. Most recently I have struggled with adapting to the digital age, but
the Countess signed me up for a training seminar on Adobe Photoshop. It’s all quite overwhelming, but I would not
trade it for anything.
Back to my story. While attending a concert in London by a fabulous band calling themselves The Zombies I met a
filmmaker with strange white hair. It was the 1960s and he informed me that cinema was entering a new phase of
human existence. I am not sure what he was talking about, in fact a lot of these “hippies” often confused me.
Perhaps this strange man was right, by the 1970s I noticed all sorts of films coming out that seemed to glorify our
kind, the undead. The Countess refused to pay for me to attend film school because she saying “We are vegan,
not the savage flesh eaters they worship.” I spent the next couple of decades reading self-help and do-it-yourself
books for filmmakers. A few years ago the Countess informed me that she enjoyed my experimental phase from
the 70s. She said the films brought her happiness, they were a “scrumptious cinematic seduction.” Maybe one day
I will release a DVD. Well that is about all I have time for. The Vegan Countess told me I could write my own
biography but it had to be 500 words or less. That is tough for 400 years.
of the most difficult requests to keep up with. First it was a marble bust, then beautiful oil paintings; these were
followed by photographs in the 19th century. Most recently I have struggled with adapting to the digital age, but
the Countess signed me up for a training seminar on Adobe Photoshop. It’s all quite overwhelming, but I would not
trade it for anything.
Back to my story. While attending a concert in London by a fabulous band calling themselves The Zombies I met a
filmmaker with strange white hair. It was the 1960s and he informed me that cinema was entering a new phase of
human existence. I am not sure what he was talking about, in fact a lot of these “hippies” often confused me.
Perhaps this strange man was right, by the 1970s I noticed all sorts of films coming out that seemed to glorify our
kind, the undead. The Countess refused to pay for me to attend film school because she saying “We are vegan,
not the savage flesh eaters they worship.” I spent the next couple of decades reading self-help and do-it-yourself
books for filmmakers. A few years ago the Countess informed me that she enjoyed my experimental phase from
the 70s. She said the films brought her happiness, they were a “scrumptious cinematic seduction.” Maybe one day
I will release a DVD. Well that is about all I have time for. The Vegan Countess told me I could write my own
biography but it had to be 500 words or less. That is tough for 400 years.